whatever.

Whining is whining.

I thought I was done with feeling worthless and just unresolved (as much as that can describe a person). But maybe I will never feel complete and able and in love with my life, at least, not all the time. There are times that I feel at peace with my life, with how I am, with what I’m doing, with where I’m going. But as much as I feel that way, there are times when nothing feels right, nothing is going right, and nothing will be right. 

And, maybe, these things balance each other out, and you can’t feel one way all the time, which is true, I suppose. But when things aren’t going right, and I don’t feel well about anything, much less one thing, it’s as if I feel this more than when I am somewhat content. 

I am just stressed, discontent, and slightly unwell physically, which makes everything just awful. I don’t understand how I feel. Two hours ago I was eagerly discussing how my friends and I are making our own version of Epic Meal Time next weekend, which will be awesome as hell but now I couldn’t care less and this just isn’t working out. 

i think

What I’ve felt so often recently is just a deep sense of disappointment-though that isn’t quite the right word-with society.  This sort of hopeless anguish about these people who either don’t care about the world or care too much about these things that matter so little compared to things that do.

How can you care so much about abortion when there are people dying of curable diseases and starvation, and in the streets of your country no less? (As if your countrymen are more important than others who live on Earth). But really this question is how can you care about a bundle of cells but not the person those cells may become? And how can you feel comfortable with your life in a society that finds abusive men acceptable and cheerful entertainment? Or one in which so many people blame women for being raped or abused? 

I don’t even know how to describe how I feel when I think of these things. Torn apart inside, by my own emotions. 

Additionally (because I’ve been thinking not working): I do nothing to stop these things, what I dwell on so constantly sometimes. Partly because I don’t know where I would start with what I perceive to be wrong, or how I would go about trying to at least change something a little, and partially because I’m a lazy fuck. Though I suppose spending time working at a soup kitchen or something along those lines would make me personally feel better about maybe something but obviously not everything. And I often just want to write letters to every republican in the house of representatives that is just like, “What is wrong with you?” However what that would achieve is probably not much and I will receive some form letter about said representative being pleased to hear from me and I would be yet more discontent with the state of things. 

you say that i’m a loner and you’re god damn right

all out is something of a new obsession, but mostly just this song. 

I said I was fine

Don’t touch me
Don’t trust me
I’m not some fragile thing
I will not break down
Like you would love to see
I will put up a fight
Until you decide to leave

Wheeeeeeee

Drunkkk.

Saturdayyy

Watching snl and drinking whiskey and dr pepper. Pretty delicioussss yay